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{SMALLVILLE} PILOT 1X1
Ola! Well, since SMALLVILLE has now turned crappy, I thought we should take a trip down memory lane with old-school SMALLVILLE. I miss it. *tear*

So I’ve done an excessive picspam, but! be happy that I’ve not gone totally crazy. I’m just near crazy… khriv_icons had a fantabulous set of PILOT caps, so I had to snag them and spam. There were nearly 2000 caps, but I cut it down to 342. I’m sorry. Yes, hate me. But it’s strangely funny.

Oh, and if you want to snag any of the caps, go ahead. all I ask is you SAVE THEM YOURSELF. I can’t have people eating my bandwidth! Just credit khriv_icons since they rock. ^_^

ON WITH THE SPAMMING!! Hee.

Wait. Warning: NOT DIAL UP FRIEDNDLY. really.

also, expect a lot of character-bashing, doom, and some random things. hee. ^_^

now,




hmmm… that planet looks familiar…



omg!! that’s cos it’s Earth!! We’re doomed!! DOOMED I TELL YOU, DOOOOOOOOMED!!



ok, so now that the meteor rocks have blown up our water supply, we are so gonna die of thirst. It never rains here in Smallville… except when people die and are dead, and we go to their funerals, and are all melancholy and sad and the rain splashes down on us, as a pathetic fallacy, because it mirrors our fake tears and unhappiness. It seems like fun. So, who should get bopped off??



red truck. Ooh, I wonder if it’s Fireman Sam’s truck. I hope not my nephew would be devastated. He loves Sam.




no!! it is still down!! Is there no one who can save Sam???



Ew, its only Jonathon. I take it back, let em die. I no like Jonathon. He’s talks extremely loudly. Yes, I know, I also talk very loudly, but otherwise I have nothing against Jonathon. Yeah.



oh look! A little boy!! Yeah, if I was hanging upside down in a car, I’d be telling that boy to stop staring. Its creepy.



dude! It’s Kansas! Yeah, I’m the 00001. yeah, that’s me!!



I think we’ve gone back in time cos didn’t we just see the aftermath of the explosion?? Either that, or my photobucket account is really screwed. :(



Dirt clouds!! I guess that’s more of the aftermathing.



…and then a bit more…



…and fiery explosions now… I’m getting bored of this. Lets move on.



“Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages…” yakety-yak. Look, theres Earth again!! I wonder if she knows she’s on TV.



A plane! I wonder who’s in there…



Ah, nice piece of continuity there. It’s the only damn thing the writers have continued, apart from Chloe’s wardrobe, which is all thanks to (obviously) the wardrobe department folk. (knowledge courtesy nyonyo. Just head over there and take a look through her tags. She so rocks. ^_^)



omg! Lionel Luthor’s breath is that bad that it makes little boys with fake red hair cry. CRY!! …gosh, the boy is ugly.



ah, and here we have the small quiet city of Smallville. Where nothing happens. NOTHING!! (I wish…)



OMG!!!!!!!!! THOSE STONE FROGS USED TO BE PEOPLE!!!! evol-witch!Lana has turned them!! GAH!!! ……………oh wait. That’s series 4…



I think Nell used to be a vixen. I wonder what happened.



This is evidently the past (or the paster-past?), since Martha Kent is not hanging upside down in a car.



wait… what are you doing with that wand? Just put it down… put it down nice and gently…



OH DEAR GOD! SHE’S PUT A SPELL ON MARTHA KENT!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON’T DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!



*sobs* look at her. she’s in a fantasy land. She doesn’t even notice how hard Jonathon is trying to be quiet…



maybe not.



Jonathon’s spidey sense is tingling… something’s just not right…



Dude, that’s just a weak excuse for you to stare at young girl’s ass’s. YOU’RE PATHETIC JONATHON KENT!! PATHETIC!



…and he’s enjoying it too. Has he no shame???

And then there is the parading and the shots of the cars and impending doom. It’s all kinda borin- wait. impending doom…



there we have it!! Doom!! … hmm, its not very intimidating is it? it looks like a silver smartie. And you thought the blue one’s were bad, this one has MARTIANS!!



here we have little red-head boy, peering back to run away. Ok, he looks quite adorable there. But first, look back casually, make sure no ones watching…



…stay calm, boy, they’re too busy being mesmerised by Lionels long hair… stay calm…



…AND *FLE- wait, you left without me? Not cool yaar.



ugh, what now?



Yes, ‘tis a scarecrow. Ya know, to scare crows? Gah.



so now you attempt to *flee* with me, when I don’t want to do any *flee*-ing!



ok, maybe I was a little harsh. He doesn’t need to beg for mercy… oh, he’s not? He just fell?? … o_0



OH! It’s a real scarecrow!!!!!! Now I know why you’re scared!!



he’s even got an ‘S’ for Scarecrow!! ARGH!!



ok, maybe that boy is a bit freaky looking. Maybe he just shouldn’t look scared, since it does not look good. Ha, perhaps that’s why grown-up!Lex looks non-scared most of the time. *sigh* but woobie!Lex (older…) is ♥…



METEOR!!



IS *AGHAST*!! …and also l'oreal’d, what with the hair going ‘whoosh’ in a windy fashion…



uh-oh, dirt clouds. I see dirt clouds.



OMG!! the dirt cloud ATE THE BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …my fears are totally justified.



Crowd= “yay! Let’s all watch out impending doom!!”



Crowd= are *doomed* and die and are dead.



that’s quite a nice shot actually.





Lana’s dad: “WTF? Honey, I think the street lamp bulb has moved…”

Lana’s mum: “No sweetie, it’s just our impending doo-”



*BANG*

…and then the next 13 shots consists of carnage, which I won’t bore you with… except for this one, this one’s cool:



it looks pretty considering it’s carnage. ^_^



Oh she’s not changed a bit…



Ok, she looks quite cute there. :’(



*spidery sense tingles*



WATCH THE ROAD!!!



THAT’S WHY ARSE-FACE!! ……not you Martha, just your husband…



that’s why. Because dirt clouds EAT PEOPLE!!!!!!



…and they were never seen again… no, really…



oh, the MB is rushing through the greenery!!



and then decides to *pause*, and take a leak…



…perhaps ponder at the magnitude of greenness.



dude…



you were gonna pee on your sons hair. I know it’s fake and gross and all, but dude. Not cool. Even for an MB like you.



eat it. I dare ya. I bet it tastes just like chicken. Heh.



omg, I think he wants the WHOLE THING???



is *aghast*



… well, at least he won’t have to wear that nasty wig anymore. Just the random tufts.



ok, so sorry. I lied. They were seen again. Hanging upside down in a car. Ah, so now we’re back in the future!! wait… no. I mean, the place where we were at the start… yeah… o_0



um, little legs are gonna come to eat them??



Jonathon: “WTF???”



aw! The baby’s so cute!! ^_^

and then there is more staring, and more “WTF??”ing. but we’ll skip that.



doesn’t that look like a dinosaur foot?? I swear, that’s what it looks like to me!



Family huddle!!



Suddenly, Jonathon’s spidey sense began to tingle. I wonder what doom is impending this time…



And then, the dream team looked up and into the sky, awaiting a final rock that would swoop down to squish them all… except for the baby, since, well, he’s adorinceble…(meaning, both adorable and invincible)… but none came.

Darn.



Ooh a Farm. Ooh, Today. A farm today. Wow. </sarcasm>



oh, and just in case we weren’t sure if it actually is today, they’ve thrown in a shot of the internet. Oh, and a really fast boy. Yeah. Cos internet didn’t exist back then. Yeah…



Dork!



he’s so adorkable!



…yes Clark. Because breakfast really is mentally draining…




Hickory Lane?? Seriously?? Could the writers not have come up with anything better?? Shameful.



hmm… he looks a little scared… like he couldn’t squish that man like a bug. Heh.



oh, so now Jonathon’s trying to break Clarkie’s neck? Like that’s going to happen!!



Clark: “Let’s see who’s tough now!” *stands up*



…not you Clarkie, since your now trying to run away…



Dude, your wimpiness made you miss the bus. Darn it.



Now your gonna have to run!



And it seems his friends counted on that. Shameful. But they’re so cute. You gotta love em. …wait! Chloe’s sticking out her middle finger!! OMG! They never swear though!! I wonder whether she was thinking: “Fuck you Pete.”



uh-oh. He’s plotting something… oh dear…



yeah, he really is…



He’s gone! There, his plotting has worked!!



…Just in case you forgot we’re still in Smallville. Don’t forget that… wait, why are they proud of the meteor’s that killed everyone, including Lana’s parents (which they tell us in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!!)?? Dude, that town is messed up…



There goes Clarkie!!



Chloe: “So, Clark can run really really fast?? And we don’t? Wow. He’s like, super-fast…”

Yes dear, he is.



Dude, we all know that Lionel is the MB. So we also know that your houses will equally evol. Don’t try to deny it Luthor, you’re just bad to the bone. Baaaad to the bone.



School. Its very old and what. Do all American schools look like that?? Hmm…



I think that sums up their relationship: Chloe takes the lead, whilst Pete slowly but surely follows on. And she doesn’t even know.



Ssh! There’s a giant head in the background!



Chloe’s spotted it too. She’s a sharp one, that Chloe. But she needs to get some sleep. She looks so tired!!



Ooh Clarkie, you got some ‘splainin to do!



Chloe: “WTF? How’d you get here so fast? And what shampoo do you use??”



Clark: “…um, I ran… and Herbal Essences Moisture-Balancing Shampoo… Yeah…”



Chloe: “Seriously? You pansy…”



Clark: “Honest, I’m not a pansy! I let my dad nearly decapitate me with his hand grip of doom!!” (he misses out the part where he’s all invincible… rightly so.)



Chloe: “Nearly being the right word. If he was really a big toughie, he’d have let him take it all off and feed it to the cows.”



Suddenly, Clark’s Lana sense was tingling… Let the games begin…



As the audience prepares their wager, the not yet infamous Clark Kent edges closer to his target…



The crowd is positively manic out here!! Of course our world revolves around Clarkie’s miserable exploits of the girl-not-so-next-door-but-a-mile-away!! Just what will happen??



HOLD ON TO THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS LADIES AND GENTS!! He’s going…



He’s going…



He’s goi- falling??? He’s falling!!



Ooh! That ‘thwack’ must have hurt!!



Well, it would were he able to FEEL ANYTHING!!



Ass… oh wait, he’s still on the floor… sorry, let us pity you.



DING DING DING!!! We have a winner!! Thank you Chloe Sullivan!!



And theres a gracious victory smile. Aw!



Oh please Clark. Like you can read. You may be pretty and all, and super fast and what, but we know you’re not the sharpest crayon in the box. *sigh*



Shameful Clark, you’re just staring at her chest. Evol boy.



See?? He is!!



Lana: “I designed them myself…”



Clark: “Wow. You’re like… so artistic Lana…”



Lana: “Yeah, I know…”



Possessive boyfriend forever alert. *vomit*



Omg, Clark feels the same way!! We are so made for each other!!



It’s so exhausting being Clark Kent. *sigh*



ooh, creepy dude. He is so gonna do something evol. Hee.



AND HE DID!! …ow?



Ew, stalker much??



*creepy-face*



Wow, I wonder where we are… oh, it’s Luthor Corp! I ♥ these introducing shots. It makes my life easier… not that Smallville is a large and complicated place, its just… large and … complicated…

I have a feeling I’ve said this before… have I? I’m not sure… its been over a week since I last added to this. Seriously, its hard work what with all the uploading and crying and head banging and slow loadership. So suffer my wrath. Nyah.



BALD HEAD!!!! Bald head!!! I see a bald head!!! It can only mean one thing!!!! Lex Luthor



Well… its nice to see you too Lexy… don’t get too pleased…



meh. Fine. Leave. Nice car though… well, it seems nice from what I can tell from the licence plate. Ooh, its says Lex. So I am right. I’m not psychic (damn it)

…and then a scene in which there is stalking of the pretty girls (and boys…) and a little bit of daydreaming about the usual arm-pit dancing and vomit inducing near kisses. its’ still exhausting being Clark Kent. Especially when you’re caught at it… *cheeky grin*



Ooh, Lex’s back!! And looking less like he doesn’t want to be here!! Woo!!



Lexy darling, pay attention to the road. Didn’t Jonathon and Martha Kent’s being swallowed into the dust cloud of doom teach you anything??



Omg!! It’s the giant tampon of silvery doom!! …either that or it’s a giant toothpick… or one of them things with the cotton wool at the top… or a giant silver wotsit… whatever it is, one things for sure: GIANTS ARE COMING!!!!

… what?? You don’t say anything when evol bugs come to Smallville… or when man catches fire… or when vampires came… OH FOR PETE’S SAKE YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING WHEN THERE WERE BEE’S!!!!! BEE’S!!!! BEE’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …yes, I know bee’s are extremely scary what with the stinging and what, but dudes. Bee’s?? …and you shame my giants…



Come on Lexy!! I bet you’re non-bald counterpart, a Mr Daniel Meade (UGLY BETTY anyone??) wouldn’t do that…



all I can say is I TOLD YOU SO!



Dude, you’re going to run over Clark Kent when he looks pretty?? NO!! Come back when he’s all gross and mean to Chloe. Yeah.



…that is going to hurt in the morning…



Serves you right Lex. Float away phoney, float away!!! … I wonder if its calling someone…



Oh!!



Wake up Lexy!! wake up!!



o_0 … um, are you trying to smell him or something??



erm… they are not gay. He’s giving mouth of mouth damnit!! …I don’t care if its also called the “the kiss of life” it meant nothing I tell you! I MEANT NOTHING!!! Lex loves Chloe!! (secretly… sorta…)




Clarkie, don’t push too hard. You’ll pop his head right off.



What, you repay Clark by spitting on him!! Shame on you Lexy!!

(yay!)



Oh!! Pained!Lex no!!



:(



Lex: “Dude, why aren’t you dead??”



Clark: o_0… “I’m er… allergic… to… death??”



Clark: yay!! Distractions!!



I think Jonathon wants to thump Clark there. I know I do. He looks so strange and yucky.



Lex: “Clarks my hero!!”



Jonathon: “Well… yes… um…”



Jonathon: “Clark, stay away from Lex Luthor… no one is sure which team he bats for, and well I’d rather he didn’t use you as the team mascot… you being alien’d and all.”

Clark: “Huh??”



OMG… Clark has a fucking cape. A cape. A CAPE!! It seems the writers are trying to signify something… WELL DUH!! OF COURSE CLARK BECOMES SUPERMAN, WE’RE NOT IDIOTS YOU MORONIC WRITERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I could do without the ‘he’s going to be superman’ hints. The whole reason I watched this show (watched being the operative word, since the Lexana is vomit inducing. Sorry shippers, but it is..) was because I wanted to see the NOT-SO-SUPER-Clark Kent.



Yellow houses are cool. I live in a white house, with red tiles and stuff.



The moon is cool.



…But we all know what Clark would rather look at…



…And her name is Lana Lang.



Stalker!Clark is so creepy…



Ugh. Whitlana.



Tis the necklace of doom. But why does Lana wear something that killed her parents?? It’s a bit strange… ooh, but it reminds me of An ep of Lanarama. Roflol! ^_^



he’s such a pervert…



GROW UP CLARKIE!!



Ooh, a garage at night. nothing sinister is going to happen there… </sarcasm>



hey, I know that dude… he seems really familiar… hmm… was he in ANDROMEDA?? Gah. I hate that show. Still watch it though… L



Ooh, creepy man in shadows… looks kinda pale…



Dude from ANDROMEDA: “Dude, back up a little. Ever heard of personal space??”

Creepy pale dude: “Erm, no…”



Nice. It looks even better when on photobucket or whatever you flick through this pic and the above pic eally fast. The dude looks sooo evol!



Maniacal laughter? Check.



Evol powers? Check.



Violence leading onto murder? Check.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first villain of the show!! Applause all round!!



… perhaps that means he’s going to go after the other men too… </obvious>



Oh, he’s so pretty. ^_^



Clarkie: “It’s my birthday? YAY!”



It’s a love note from Lex… I swear, these writers are making it so hard for me to prove that both Lex and Clark are straight. Seriously!



Ah, papa isn’t pleased…



but why is he that pretty?? STOP IT TOM!!



Jonathon: “I am going to use my magi-acal mind powers now: YOU DO NOT LOVE LEX LUTHOR! YOU DO NOT LOVE LEX!”



Jonathon: “I have no problems sending you up there if you do!”



Oh, Jonathon! Don’t make Clark into emo!Clark. sure, he’s pretty and perhaps he deserves it but it hurts my eyes. L

… a bit more arguing…



He should really pay attention to what he’s doing. I mean, we’ve all been watching so far, we know that something bad happens when you don’t pay attention.



SEE!! I told you!! I am psychic!!

*more struggling*



Clark: “WHY AREN’T I BLEEDING??”

Oh, Clarkie, you are soo emo.





Oh, papa’s got a present for you!!!



What is it, what is it?? HURRY UP OLD MAN!!



…it’s …a cookie??



nope. it seems to be an alien tablet of doom. Oh! I know, it’s Clarks flying license! So he can fly! Wow!



Clark: “Are you ok Dad?? It’s just a piece of metal…”

Jonathon: “Oh it’s much more than that…”

Clark: “Ri-ight…” o_0 *thinks* maybe dad’s been spending too much time painting the shed, the fume must me be getting to him…

…and the rest of this is really boring and I can’t think of anything witty or funny to say so we’ll skip that…



Jonathon: “This was your crib…”



Clark: “WTF??”



oh come on Jonathon! You don’t tell a kid he’s an alien and expect him to simply go ahead and say ‘take me to your leader’. Of course he’s going to run away and be all stalkery!!



… because graveyard’s at night are not scary!



ok, I am getting really really sick of all the imagery they’re sending us. Yes, Clark is the saviour of all mankind and he will become superman and blah blah blah YADDA-YADDA-YADDA! NOBODY CARES!! The only reason we watch this show is cos Clark is so pretty, and so is Lex and so is Chloe and so is Lana and so is Pete and so is Martha…NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANY FRIGGING DEEPER MEANING!!

… sorry bout that, but the writers really piss me off!!



He’s such a stalker.



OK, so now you got your kiss, LEAVE HER ALONE!!



uh-oh. Whitney’s mad…



Mansion. Nice.



Violence is fun!



Damnit, he missed.



SO. DAMN. PRETTY.



Ah, dead guy.



Hey, its like where’s wally. Wheres the creepy pale dude?

…OH! THERE HE IS!!

… …Chloe’s there too!



Not too keen on her hair. Dunno, it’s so, up…



SAY CHEESE!



GOTCHA!



Wow, he hasn’t aged a day.



IT’S THE WALL… OF… WEIRD!! *applause*



*twilight zone theme tune plays*





Chloe: “Ta-daa!”





*theme still plays…*



oh, I think he’s spotted something…



…no, someone: LANA! LEAVE HER ALONE!! SERIOUSLY, he should just join their group!



Chloe: “I think he’s having an episode…”



FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!



Whitney is secretly a girl… he wears women’s jewellery…



Clark agrees.



Unfortunately, so does Whitney. And he makes Clarkie wear it instead.



That guy is sooo creepy!! :(



See, he’s there…



And he’s gone!!



That’s where we are!!



wow, he’s like a frog. Heh, reminds me of that crap line in X-MEN: “Do you know what happens to a toad when he is electrocuted?” *pause* “The same thing that happens to everything else…” when what Storm really should have said was “FRY BITCH, FRY!!”



gah.



FLASHBACK! NOOOO!



That necklace is evol.



Ok, Lex is SUCH a pervert!!



SEE?!!



EVOL NECKLACE OF DOOM!!



DON’T TOUCH IT LEX!!



go away creepy dude! Nobody loves you!!



par-tay!



aw, her and Pete are so cute!!



Ah, creepy shadowy-figure!!



Pale dude: “Wtf? That’s my job!!



But oh, and alas, tis Clark the mighty. He is so gonna smote your ass good.



Clarkie: “Fear me… grr!”



Pale creepy dude: “well I’m part electrifying-toad. So I win.”



Clark: “Dude, you can’t hurt me!”



Clark: “I’m indestructible!”



that’s what you get for showing off…



ooh…



That’s gonna leave a mark in the morning…



On the car, not Clarkie. He’s indestructible!







Well that was shocking… or not. Kinda anti-climactic. I was expecting something…electrifying… or at least explosive… but all I got was a mere spark…

…yeah, the puns are getting progressively worse. Sorry.



Pale creepy dude: “Who the f are you?”



Clarkie: “Ya know, I really don’t know.” *tear*



He’s kinda creepy… maybe we should fear him…



(leave them alone clarkie!)



ooh! An evol smirk!! And he’s not even Red K!! yay!!



!!!!!



Shame bi-otch!!

Hee!



Clarkie: “I didn’t do anything…”



This whole stalking is getting a little boring for me. I miss the dust clouds of doom.



hello lana.

(I hate you… :P)



Clark: “Um, hey!” *thinking* that’s I can’t find her!!



please please don’t smell her hair… ew!!



that is not a good look for you clarkie…



ah, fuck. He’s back with the stalking…



*sigh* I’m telling you, it’s gonna all end in tears…



Pretty. ^_^

THE END!!

Well, this episode has been very educational, I’ve learnt a lot:

• you should always pay attention to what your doing. No phones/staring/anger or anything. It’ll only end in DOOM!
  
  
• Clark is creepier than he thinks
  
  
• Whitney most probably wears ladies underwear. Ew.
  
  
• That unfortunately, Clark and Lex are less straight than they should be.
  
  
• That pale people are most often going to be evol.
  
  
• Clark makes a good scarecrow.
  
  
• That I have faaaar too much time on my hands. ^_^
  

I’m hungry. Hope you enjoyed this, I’m going to get some grub. (mmm, waffles and pizza….)


*love&hugs*

ETA: To see more of my pic!spams, please head to khushiyan. That's where I'll be posting the rest of these. ^_^